quotes tagged with 'humor' 
Wounded come before personal chafing.
"Are you getting as old me where you open up the paper and the first section you go to is the obituaries, so you can make sure you're not listed there?"
Failure is not an option; it's bundled with your software
Defintion of politics: "Poli" in latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "blood-sucking parasites".
Write a wise saying and your name will live forever.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Think how hard physics would be if particles could think.
Remember to never split an infintive.
The passive voice should never be used.
Do not put statements in the negative form.
Verbs have to agree with their subjects.
Proofread carefully to see if you words out.
If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be by rereading and editing.
A writer must not shift your point of view.
And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. (Remember, too, a preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.)
Don't overuse exclamation marks!!
Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.
Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
Always pick on the correct idiom.
The adverb always follows the verb.
Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; seek viable alternatives.
Smile, people will wonder what you have been up to.
A very wise man once said, ‘If you look through the rain long enough, you’ll see the rainbow.’ And an even wiser man said, ‘If you’re getting wet, get the hell out of the rain.