quotes tagged with 'insecurities'

These are some of the ways of handling insecurity:  avoid situations that may reveal one's self-doubting and insecurity; either move away and escape, or fight, criticize, and find fault with others - leaders, programs, or self - to avoid confronting the real problem inside.


An enormous responsibility rests upon us to communcate effectively, and because of this responsibility, self-doubts and insecurities within can rise to the surface until one of the two approaches is taken:  escape and withdraw; or fight, criticize, and find fault. Find the mote (weakness) in your husband's (or wife's) eye and focus on it until that view obscures the view of the beam (weakness) in your own eye. This makes it almost impossible to clearly see or to effectively give help. Or withdraw, saying, "I don't want to communicate. I have nothing to say - nothing to talk about." That is an escape! Or else compensate for your insecurity by focusing on security from the outside - clothes, styling, and membership in select groups - inwardly saying, "These things can compensate for my own feeling of insecurity and make me feel adequate and more secure."


I suggest that none of this works upon the roots at all. None of it works with the underlying causes of strife or of peace. I suggest that the world doesn't know fully what those roots are - those deep spiritual roots which, if exercised, fed, and nourished, could bring about a great internal feeling of security and peace so that, in turn, out of that internal strength and anchorage will flow the ability to be a peacemaker in our relationships with others, particularly when the storms descend.


In my judgement, too much present-day thinking regarding communication is based upon a sunshine philosophy. When the sun is shining and things are going wonderfully, people can communicate easily, naturally, and effectively, but the moment the storms descend (and they descend almost every day on all of our lives in one way or anoteher - at least little storms:  conflicting expectations, economic pressures, conditions of stress, time pressures, etc.) we lose our temper, shout out, condemn, do some things that we would never think of doing when the sun is shining.


But sooner or later the stoms come. Then our self doubts surface and relationship problems commence and communication breaks down.

Author: Stephen R. Covey, Source: "Spiritual Roots of Human Relations", Deseret Book 1970 - 8th printing, p. 178 -180Saved by mlsscaress in fight strength communication peace criticize escape anchor strife selfdoubt insecurities 11 years ago[save this] [permalink]

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