In our relationship, Larry was the more "public" person. I was the "safe place" for him to come to and find peace. It took him a lot of years to accept the fact that I was what he called "milquetoast" until one day I said to him "This is exactly what you like about me --I am the only steady and calm thing in your life." Instantly he knew I was right. He had to go out into the chaotic world and slay dragons every day, and I was able to stay at home and make a place where he could find refuge, comfort, and love when he returned. He appreciated that.