These are some of the ways of handling insecurity: avoid situations that may reveal one's self-doubting and insecurity; either move away and escape, or fight, criticize, and find fault with others - leaders, programs, or self - to avoid confronting the real problem inside.
An enormous responsibility rests upon us to communcate effectively, and because of this responsibility, self-doubts and insecurities within can rise to the surface until one of the two approaches is taken: escape and withdraw; or fight, criticize, and find fault. Find the mote (weakness) in your husband's (or wife's) eye and focus on it until that view obscures the view of the beam (weakness) in your own eye. This makes it almost impossible to clearly see or to effectively give help. Or withdraw, saying, "I don't want to communicate. I have nothing to say - nothing to talk about." That is an escape! Or else compensate for your insecurity by focusing on security from the outside - clothes, styling, and membership in select groups - inwardly saying, "These things can compensate for my own feeling of insecurity and make me feel adequate and more secure."
I suggest that none of this works upon the roots at all. None of it works with the underlying causes of strife or of peace. I suggest that the world doesn't know fully what those roots are - those deep spiritual roots which, if exercised, fed, and nourished, could bring about a great internal feeling of security and peace so that, in turn, out of that internal strength and anchorage will flow the ability to be a peacemaker in our relationships with others, particularly when the storms descend.
In my judgement, too much present-day thinking regarding communication is based upon a sunshine philosophy. When the sun is shining and things are going wonderfully, people can communicate easily, naturally, and effectively, but the moment the storms descend (and they descend almost every day on all of our lives in one way or anoteher - at least little storms: conflicting expectations, economic pressures, conditions of stress, time pressures, etc.) we lose our temper, shout out, condemn, do some things that we would never think of doing when the sun is shining.
But sooner or later the stoms come. Then our self doubts surface and relationship problems commence and communication breaks down.
We discovered that an individual would know the Church was true only to the degree he or she was true to the Church. By being true to the Church, there seemed to be an unlocking from within of a divine sense of a testimony - a conviction that came from obedience.
Once we learned this transcendentally vital lession, we stopped trying to convince people by persuasion, reason, and the use of scripture alone, for this approach stirred up their self doubts. Instead, we encouraged investigators to obey, to change, to repent, to pray, to live a commitment, to attend church, to study the Book of Mormon. This approach, when followed, minimized self-doubt.
James the apostle asked, "From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members?" (James 4:1.) He suggests that conflicting loyalties and passions within are the cause of human strife. In other words, the real root of peace and effective communication when the storms of life descend is obedience to divine law. This is not the easy answer - in fact, it is the hardest answer of all and yet the truest, for it overcomes self doubt.
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